By: Besty Hayden
It’s that time of year, New Year’s Resolutions (NYR), when we start to think about what more we want to accomplish. Last year I wrote about a New Life Resolution. Spend a few moments here to write down what it was that you wanted to change last year and what you want to change this year. Was it a thing, situation, status, or a person? In reality the only thing you can truly change is YOU! Truthfully we really don’t change ourselves; we change our mindset first, then move forward and the rest starts falling in line. Let’s define mindset: a fixed mental attitude or disposition that predetermines a person’s responses to and interpretations of situations. One of the biggest lessons I learned this year is how to be Radically Open-Minded (ROM). If I were to ask 1K people in a room “are you open minded?” 900 would say “yes.” Actually only 5% would be open-minded and only 1% would be ROM. We have 2 barriers preventing us from being ROM, our Ego and Blind Spot.
Our Ego barrier is a subliminal defense mechanism that makes it hard to accept our mistakes and weaknesses. Our deepest seated need is to be loved and conversely the fear of losing love, the need to survive and the fear of not surviving, the need to be important and the fear of not mattering. The part of the brain that registers this is not accessible to our conscious awareness, therefore it oversimplifies things and reacts instinctively. It craves praise and responds to criticism (even constructive criticism) as an attack. We become especially defensive when it comes to the subject of “How Good We Are”.
At the same time our most distinctive human function, our executive function, our conscious brain, or our conscious awareness of decision-making, where the application of logic and reasoning happen, are fighting with the subconscious part of the brain. This creates a battle within us and you may be talking to someone who is having a battle within themselves. It’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This does not make for good communication or decision-making. It might look like “why did I let myself eat all that cake?”
Our Blind Spot barrier prevents our way of thinking from seeing things accurately. We have different ranges of seeing and understanding things, like Big picture vs. Details or vise versa. We don’t like to see ourselves or others as having blind spots.
It might be easier to describe what closed-mindedness looks like. When you are talking to someone do you: (1) Interrupt, (2) listen only to give your opinion, (3) stop them because you know they are wrong, or (4) find yourself feeling frustrated because they are not listening to you? Perhaps we are more close-minded than we are willing to admit to ourselves.
ROM people actually seek others to challenge their views. ROM people expect they could be wrong. I don’t know about you but I always think my views are spot on until proven wrong. What an eye opener! There is a caveat however, when seeking feedback for your open-mindedness – you want to make sure that your principles and values align with the person you are seeking feedback from. You want to seek council from people who are believable. Believable is defined as someone who has accomplished what they want done and has repeatedly been successful.
To be ROM we get to be ever-seeking and ever-evolving in what is the truth vs. being right. To be effective, you must not let your need to be right to be more important than your need to find out what is TRUE. Being ROM will allow you to find out what is true and help you make better decisions. Cheers! To a beautifully designed life.
Betsy Hayden holds a degree in Architecture and a minor in Drafting & Design. Working for 5 of the largest engineering firms in the world Betsy used John Maxwell’s Leadership principles to lead successful teams. She is the CTO (Chief Thriving Officer) of Awesome Focus.
She is a Certified Speaker, Trainer and Coach of The John Maxwell Team and Appreciation At Work. As a professional speaker she focuses on: Leadership, Team Building, Communication & Recognition. Betsy can be reached at: 843-597-6555 or emailed at: 2awesomefocus@gmail.com