By: Trina Johnson
Communication is a life skill everyone must use every day. Most of us take a trial-and-error approach. We try different things and see what works. If we pay attention, we realize that good communication is about more than just exchanging information. It’s also about understanding the emotion and intentions behind the information. And to really hear what the other person is saying, we need to honestly listen.
That’s where many people go astray. We don’t actively listen. This is the piece of the communication process that often gets minimized or overlooked. Too many times, instead of really listening we are jumping ahead in our minds and coming up with responses that take into account only bits and pieces of the information. To be a good communicator, you need to be a good listener first.
There are five attributes of a good listener. First, in order to really hear you need to be fully present. You should make eye contact, lean forward, maintain an open posture. You can’t be distracted and still be listening fully. Give the speaker your full attention.
The second skill of a good listener is to acknowledge the information as it is being shared. We can assure the speaker that we are engaged and following their information, that we are tuned in to them. Acknowledgments can be simple verbal expressions like “Uh-huh,” or “I see,” or non-verbal cues like head nods, facial expressions, and eye-contact. When you use acknowledgments, you move from passive to active listening.
The third skill in great listening is the use of magic rapport-building phrases like “Tell me more about…” or “Go on …” or even as simple as “I’m listening.” These phrases keep the ownership of the conversation with the speaker. They are not confrontational. They are encouraging.
The fourth hearing skill is being silent and letting the other person finish their thoughts. Great listeners do not interrupt.
And finally, a great listener responds deliberately and reflects back what they have heard. They prove they understand what the speaker has meant or felt, or they ask questions to clarify. They employ empathy where needed. Even when the situation calls for confrontation, a great listener can respond with little judgment.
I challenge you to work on your listening skills for the next 30 days. Have conversations with family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances where you choose to slow down, pay attention, and really, really listen to what the other person is saying and feeling. You will discover that those conversations can be more impactful when you are actively listening.
Katryna Johnson, J.D., aka Trina, owns Mirelli Entrepreneur Training for Women. Her passion for helping women came from seeing her law clients broken and demoralized after divorce. She helps women build confidence, take responsibility, and launch businesses. She wholeheartedly believes women who help other women succeed will change the world. Find out more at www. MirelliETC.com